It is actually harder to live in the present than most of us realize. We might think we are getting on with our busy day, when in reality, our mind is actually dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
In the middle of trying to complete an important project for work, we can suddenly feel overwhelmed by an emotion related to something from the past, such as something unkind someone said to us, or how a friend really let us down.
During the same rush to complete the project, we might then start to worry that it won’t be good enough, people will laugh at us, we’ll lose our job, and so on.
Buddhists compare the mind to an unruly elephant, smashing and crashing its way through life. What if you could tame your inner elephant? Mindfulness can help.
What is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is a meditation practice in which we spend our time being mindful – that is, paying attention to certain things, and most particularly things in the present.
Meditation may sound weird and new age, but all it means is to be present, in the moment with or without thoughts or contemplation. Therefore, mindfulness means paying attention to and thinking about things happening right at the moment, not in the past or present.
It is harder than it sounds, because our mind is always thinking, remembering, processing internal and external experiences, and so on. It is usually all one vast and often overwhelming and even stressful jumble. (Believe me, not thinking is much more difficult while sitting in meditation!)
But with patience, some training and regular practice, you can start to tease out what you are experiencing in the here and now and develop a greater understanding of it.
Preparing Before Practicing
When you are first starting out, it is best to set aside a few minutes a couple of times a day in a structured session to help develop the skill of mindfulness. Later, once you are familiar and comfortable with the practice, you should be able to do it anywhere, at any time (except possibly behind the wheel of a car, which could be dangerous).
Find a quiet place to sit. It can be on the floor, but a chair is fine too. Turn off all media like your phone.
With your eyes closed, start with a simple breathing meditation, in which each round of breaths you take, in and out, counts as one. See if you can concentrate only on the breath, not your breakfast, electricity bill etc, for five rounds. If you get distracted by an external thought, start again.
It’s okay if you never make it to five. You will, however, be learning a valuable lesson about just how unruly and wild the mind is.
But now we are going to focus a bit more on the present. An easy way to do this is to check in with your body from head to toe. Start from the top of your head and work your way down. Notice any aches, pains, feelings of being hot or cold, and so on.
Notice your state of mind too. Are you worried, excited, stressed out, and so on? Getting in tune with our body, mind and spirit are an important aspect of mindfulness.
Advancing Your Practice
Once you have started to regularly do breathing meditation and your “checking in” meditations for a few minutes in the morning and evening every day, you should notice your mind feeling calmer and more subdued. Now it is time to go a bit deeper.
The Four Mindfulness Skills
There are four mindfulness skills to master:
- Observing
- Describing
- Acting with awareness
- Accepting without judgment
They can be applied to both internal and external situations whenever we decide to do a mindfulness meditation session.
Internal
If you’ve noticed your mind has been very unruly, this can help you get things under control and make your mindful practice easier and easier. There are two ways to do this:
- The passing cloud meditation
- The waves in the ocean meditation
They both start with observing your own thoughts. Are you happy or angry? Sometimes we are in a mood and don’t even know why that is, so observing, and then trying to describe it, can help tease out the issue so we can resolve it.
As each thought jumps into your head, either picture it as a fluffy white cloud in a blue sky, or a small wave rising up out of the ocean. By observing and describing, you are able to act with awareness. You might find the thought upsetting, but you have a choice. You can either let the thought run away with you, or you can just accept it and not follow it.
By accepting without judgment, you will understand that thoughts in themselves are not good or bad, they just are. A dark cloud can’t destroy the entire sky. A big black wave is not going to overwhelm the ocean.
By watching your thoughts appear and disappear like on a TV screen, without engaging with them or judging them, they can’t do you any harm. They also can’t damage your relationship with others. You may feel jealous, for example, but you don’t have to act like the main character of Fatal Attraction.
You can act with awareness, however. Is your perspective correct? Is there really something to be jealous about? Or are you interpreting things in a certain way, jumping to conclusions, and so on?
The Power of Mindfulness
We can see from this example how powerful mindfulness can be in our daily lives. We have choices. We can act. We don’t have to react all the time. We can learn to push away negative thoughts in favor of more positive ones.
We can improve our relationships because we are more in tune with our own thoughts and therefore likely to make smarter choices about our dealings with people at home and work.
Mindfulness opens up our mind to become more spacious, not stuck dwelling on every single thought that passes by – especially things that happened 20 years ago. Through this spaciousness, we can start to really enjoy life in the present.
External
External mindfulness also helps us really enjoy life in the present, by not taking things for granted. It can be done standing up, sitting down, or walking, with eyes open or closed.
With this form of mindfulness meditation, you will be focusing on exactly what you are doing in the present and trying to develop a deep appreciation for it, without doing it on “autopilot”.
A good example would be washing the dishes by hand. Most people find this a rather irksome chore. What if it could be fun and pleasurable instead? The trick is to focus on all the different sensory input related to the action:
- Sight
- Sound
- Smell
- Taste
- Touch
Some will be more relevant than others depending on what action you are performing mindfully.
In the case of the dishes, we can enjoy watching the flow of the water, the bubbles of soap, and the sheen of the dish as we rinse it clean. We can focus on the soothing sound of the water and the clink of the cutlery. The smell will usually vary depending on what dishwashing liquid we use, such as lemon or orange. The sensation of the dishes in our hands, the soap and water, can all make this a soothing and interesting tactile experience.
Most of us wolf down our food in front of the TV or a computer screen. But what if you were to eat mindfully? It can take a bit more time to eat, but it might actually help you enjoy your food more, eat less, and even lose weight.
Produce simple but beautiful meals, like a salad with tomatoes, mozzarella and avocados. Enjoy the colors on the plate, the pretty dishes, and so on. Savor the smell and taste of what you are eating, one forkful at a time. Don’t just shovel the food in mindlessly — that is a sure-fire way to overeat.
Chew slowly and thoroughly. Enjoy the tastes and the sensations. Different foods have different “mouth feels”. That is why “comfort foods” like mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese tend to be popular, especially when people are stressed.
Choose contrasting textures, such as smooth mashed potatoes and a crispy salad. When you are preparing the food, try to be mindful as you cut up brightly-colored peppers, massage a meatloaf into the baking pan, and so on.
When you are out sitting or walking, take a few minutes to observe nature. Watch as the seasons change. You will be amazed at how many things you will notice and appreciate once you start being mindful.
Habits to Help Cultivate Mindfulness
As you can see, mindfulness truly is a state of mind. Once you start practicing it, you will find your ability to calm unruly thoughts and live happily in the present will grow. But you need to keep up the good work. Try it a couple of times a day in your formal seated meditation, and during the day randomly, whenever you want to get a “mini-vacation” from what’s going on in your life.
Quick mindfulness exercises can include:
- Taking a shower mindfully
- Eating lunch
- Drinking a cup of tea
- Washing the dishes
- Walking through the park
…and more. It’s up to you. Look for various opportunities you haven’t tried before, and you will soon see how much fun it can be to live in the present.
Journaling
Some people like to keep a journal of their experiences, to keep track of their progress and how useful the practice of mindfulness can be. In the journal, they will often also jot down “breakthroughs” they might have had as a result of their meditation. For example, the jealous person might come to realize it was all in their head, and improve the relationship by cutting off the jealous thoughts as they arise, and cultivating more positive energy.
A Meditation Space
A lot of people find it helpful to set up a dedicated meditation space that they look forward to using. Make sure the seat is comfortable. Put pleasant pictures on the wall. Some people like to burn a candle, but this not recommended if you have pets. An electric candle is a good substitute.
A Clutter-Free Life
Keep your meditation area clean and clutter-free. In fact, this is a good policy for both your living and your work spaces. You can mindfully de-clutter each “trouble-spot” in your home. You can also make your desk cleared for action, so you will be able to work mindfully with fewer distractions.
Minimize Media
Cell phones, email and so on are useful, but they can also be real distractions as they ping off a dozen times a day.
Schedule Your Meditations and Media
Put your meditation times on your calendar and treat them as an important appointment. Schedule your email and phone call times as well so you are only dealing with them three times a day: morning, afternoon and evening. In this way you will be less distracted and more focused – the perfect state to be in for mindfulness meditations throughout the day.
Get into Your Flow State
A flow state is one in which everything in life seems effortless, both at work and at home. You are completely focused and living in the present, moving from one task to the next without distraction or trying to figure out what to do next.
If you’ve ever done a flow yoga sequence, with one pose moving into the next easily, you will have an idea of how transformative mindfulness can be.
Tips for Mindfulness Success
There are a number of ways to succeed in your new mindfulness practice. Here are some of the best.
Get Up Early
For most of us, morning is the most productive time of the day. It might also be the best time to get the peace and quiet you need to make the most of your meditation session.
Make It a Daily Practice
Trying to do it morning and evening works even better.
Keep Your Sessions Short
You don’t have to spend hours meditating to gain significant benefits. You can accomplish a lot in only a few minutes.
Keep It Simple
Don’t make meditations like the cloud or wave overly complicated. Apply the four steps:
- Observing
- Describing
- Acting with awareness
- Accepting without judgment
Finally, try not to dwell on things.
Set Mindfulness Reminders
Consider sticking post-its up in various places where it would be a good idea to be mindful, such as by the kitchen sink or in your garden shed. Working in the garden is great mindfulness meditation.
Don’t Push Too Hard
A lot of people jump into meditation like it is some sort of Olympic sport. The goal of meditation is greater peace of mind, not agitation. If you are trying too hard or worried whether or not you are “doing things right”, try to relax into your practice.
You can also try to spend less time sitting and do more short mindfulness meditations during the course of your day.
Try to Have Fun
Meditation, and in particular mindfulness or living in the moment, can be a joyful and fun practice. It can really help you appreciate all you have in life. It also helps you maintain a more peaceful and positive mind. This means when unexpected things happen, as they are bound to do, you can see them as challenges, and not the end of the world.
Treat Yourself to the Simple but Good Things in Life
Treat yourself to new experiences, like a food you have never tried, a nature spot you’ve always wanted to visit, and so on. Be mindful during each experience in order to make the most of it.
Be Mindful Every Mealtime
When preparing, cooking and eating, take the time to notice with all five of your senses. Wolfing down your food is the worst thing you can do for your health.
Do Your Daily Chores Mindfully
Showers, brushing your teeth, getting dressed, folding laundry, shopping in the supermarket, can all be opportunities for mindfulness. The important thing is to find tasks you usually do automatically, without thinking about them, and start to live more in the present.
Final Thoughts
Many people spend so much time dwelling on the past and worrying about the future that they rarely get a chance to live in the now and enjoy their life as it unfolds moment by moment.
Many people also live on automatic pilot, going through the motions day after day, from the moment their alarm goes off in the morning until their head hits the pillow at night. There has to be a better way to live.
Mindfulness could be the key to unlocking a better life, full of enjoyment and positivity. It can even help your relationships, your career and more.
Invest the time to learn about mindfulness and do mindfulness meditations every day, and see what a difference it can make to your life.
