Choices & Voices

mypinkclematis-small

My pink clematis I raised from a root.

It’s a new day, thank goodness. Not that I feel much different from I did yesterday, though. I was hoping that I would wake up knowing exactly how to proceed – what to do. I think my nerves are still getting in the way of any direct communication with God, and maybe, He is sending me signs and giving me whatever it is I do need to know, but I just cannot hear Him or feel what that is right now.

All I know right now is that moving to Ecuador is looking better and better by the moment. Yes, that is a dream of mine – to retire in Ecuador where the cost of living is right for those on limited incomes, and, the weather is perfect. In some places you don’t even need heaters or air conditioners. Also, there are a number of expatriate communities there in different areas of the country.

A lot of people, especially from the U.S. and Europe, are going there to live out the rest of their lives. It is a friendly and welcoming  and safe environment for older adults. I would even move there if saving money was not an issue for me. The main reason for me to move there is it being a safe haven for old women. I don’t think the United States is going to be very safe or financially conducive place for old people – especially old women with no family or children to look after her.

However, I do need to be able to provide for myself by establishing a good source of income for myself before I move given that it will be a few more years before I can draw S.S., and I may not even be able to depend on that being available by that time anyway. I have never been “on the dole” and I am hoping that I will never have to depend on the government for any kind of help or support. That is the great thing about making a living online –  it doesn ‘t matter where you live,  just so you have a good internet provider and bandwidth.

So, what are my options here? If I am able to keep this house, I would live here a few more years and it would serve as an investment. If that’s meant to be, so be it. If it would be for my highest and best good to leave here (which is what I now am feeling), God will provide a way for me to do just that. That is the most pressing fear I have right now – having no place for me and my kitties to move to. However, in the past ,there has always been the a good place for me and my fur family to move to. And, as for what IS for my highest and best good right now, it would be arrogant for me to say that I know what that is, when, in reality, the only ONE Who knows that is God, Goddess, All That Is! So, please, God – Let me know in a gentle and benevolent way. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

And thank all all y’all who have come here to read this. I wonder if I’m even doing the right thing here by writing about it. Yes, I am wondering if I should have even blogged about any of this in the first place. I guess it is a lame attempt at reaching out for so sort of validation, or something. I know it is an effort that I’m making to not feel so alone here.

Update:  This post was in response to the prospect that the home I’ve been living in for the past ten years was being sold out from under me. I was under the belief that I was still being given the option in the original lease-purchase agreement to buy the house. I was not able to obtain financing on it before now because of the very poor condition of the roof. I am still living here, but the owner has implied that now I am only a tenant. Whatever. It will all come out in the wash, as they say.